She is being undeniably selfish towards you and your son. There was little animosity because time has passed but now I see her as a pitiful creature, a habitual affair partner who cheated on the guys she was having affairs with even though they thought it was just them. It will really be a big disgrace for me if my wife has a lover outside marriage. She woman would rather call the police and have me slapped with a warning THAT WILL show up on enhanced criminal record checks for life than have a conversation with me. I wish you luck and stop being afraid. Get professional support. Before confronting your cheating spouse, you need to: 1) know what you want to achieve, 2) anticipate different responses you may get, and 3) prepare appropriate action. Dump her, go NC and live life and work on being a stronger person. Can you give me any advice? God knows IT HAD TO HAPPEN! Does it make a difference? If she INSISTS on evidence, ask her why she needs to see the evidence. My H is pursuing healing, our marriage is fully restored and thriving, we are living our best lives. Ive had to live with that dude in my life for over a decade told not to confront because of the kids. Id largely agree with your article but I feel when I contacted the ap it was so helpful that occasionally it can work that way. Do you really want to help him as you say you do? When you say something like that, people dont question your reasoning. Too late for this article. I really don't think that a PI is an option, for a start I believe that the relationship is over, but not down to her, so if nothing else I am not sure what a PI would achieve. I feel so much better hearing you say that it makes them feel insignificant as that is exactly what I wanted to convey to her. So I suppose I have quite a bit of power right now to screw up her life, and this fact probably dawned on her in the day or so after I confronted her, and I think she sees reconciliation as the path of least resistance to avoiding these dangers. I will confront my wife and not her lover. Do you think that the other person has a good read on the situation? This is just a new beginning. My husband had an affair when the kids were 8 and 13. Goes to show you its all their own issues, not anything to do with us. I have a public image to protect. She had been deceiving me for 2 years whilst having an affair with my husband, manipulating situations, even sending anon letters to give me hints he is over the side in the hope I will kick him out do they can be together without me ever realisingwhy all of the sudden she would be telling me the truth. If she wants to end the relationship why doesn't she tell me? I think, the storm has passed. When we met I did not confront him but rather simply asked him how it started & what it meant to him & so on. Oh, did I mention that she said all of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months? I know that if I were in her shoes, If she didnt know my spouse and I were together and found out he had been lying not only to her but his wife and child, I would never want t anything to do with the guy ever again. They spoke in a similar way. That's not to say I don't love her. Out of embarrassment, your spouse may grow defensive and try to minimize the problem or may even try to shift blame for his or her actions to you: There wouldnt be a problem if you werent so paranoid. Because of the unpredictability of confrontation, many spouses choose not to confront, even after they have seen early warning signs. So, lesson learned, do not contact the AP. I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. I want vengeance but everytime I seriously think about confronting her, I remember that I need her to stay with her poor cuckold of a husband so she wont be completely available. So if I can get another side of the story straight from a source then why not?! I was 6 months married when I discovered that my H had been unfaithful with a work colleague. If the other person is in the dark about the nature of your relationship with your spouse, it may help to confront him or herthus creating awareness that you are going to put up a fight and that you love your Don't let this woman use you as a doormat or she will cheat on you again. Ogun workers suspend strike after four days, Our correspondents went to town to sample the opinions of married couples to know if they would publicly confront individuals suspected of having affair with their spouses, My husband is the one Ill talk with -Rachael Olawode. jesus My friend you are in big time denial. While you continue to play the dumb, trusting, naive husband. Yes, bills, parenting, and life goes on. But I didnt get that vibe from her at all. When the PI is done with his job, he will have a watertight folder of documentary evidence that nails her infedility. Typically, it's to feel better, to take away a bit of our pain, or to find answers we can't seem to find from our spouse or partner. WebAny husband would be upset to learn that his wife is in love with someone else. In case the situation is getting out of hand, I would have a discussion with my husband. Confronting her would only bring more conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me and my husband. Frustrating isn't the word for how I felt. Maybe you agonized about doing this. To reclaim your self respect. So I did wait for a couple of weeks but then I sent him text messages and told him just what I thought of him and just how bad he had hurt me and my wife and that I was being moved by the Lord to let him know that I forgave him and would pray for him and that I was determined to make our marriage work no matter what . I believe my healing restarted every other day. Do not upset the poor girl. We dont take each other for granted as we now know what boundaries are non-negotiable. Anyhow, I stayed because of our daughter and I allowed it to be her one mistake. That was and still is the most painful experience I have ever endured. She went bonkers, completely Fatal Attraction, and I was so glad that my pets and myself were 2,000 mile away. altogether. Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. Like my husband stood up to defend my honor, becquse we did Iit together! Even so, now you could get her to reconcile on YOUR TERMS. It totally sucks what she did after only a year of marriage. I need to talk to my husband and sort out issues with him. KEEP IT FOCUSED ON HER ACTIONS, NOT YOURS. I realized I had been lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing. The sea calls to you again. Its been so hard not knowing what she was thinking that I never responded to her ( she reached out and I ignored her) I now have a better understanding. Leave it up to her to decide what to tell her family. Next, you must contact a good PI (Private Investigator/detective). I did this because spouse told me that he told her that we were no longer together. He may feel obligated to listen to her complain about you. Worked in my case, but I get why you'd advise against it. roll out! How do I get past my disdain for this other person? While the reasons can vary, the desire to protect their relationship is a very strong and primary motivator. "Be there" for someone that wants to be with another person? We talked a long time and I told her that I was going to contact her husband and let him know that I knew and how disappointed I was in both of them . You should though really consider geting out - one year in, no kids = get out. As much as I can move on, take responsibility, or as many times as I can apologize to my lover's wife (which I did), that kind of experience lives with you and takes up residence in your soul. I have asked my husband to repeat to her to stop any contact but he refused, insisting that it is better to ignore her completely instead. He bolted. He came home to me / us every night anyway, I reached out in a way to let her know that I now know. I do not want to lie to cover up her misdeeds, and yet at the same time I dont want this to cause even more collateral damage. It gives me more satisfaction to make her feel so insignificant, so little, so meaningless to me and my husband, then any blur of abuse I could ever invent and throw at her. If I confront her lover and we ended up fighting and I am badly injured, I am the one that will be ashamed. Sounds like you handled things like a lady. I also told After she did this for a month, I finally had enough, and called her out publicly on Facebook, which only caused her to escalate even more. Why? Recovery took a long time, but now we are getting better. You haven't mentioned your age. Im like you, hate and revenge are not a part of my vocabulary. I would tell her family members the truth. Built their house on land we were supposed to and made sure to get married in the city we loved as a couple so thats wrecked for me. Each person has to make their own decisions, but I hope you don't cause yourself any more pain. As a result of their friendship with her, our children and I have cut off contact with them. Long ago, I was the other woman, the mistress, and the villain. If she is spreading her legs and orifices wide for him to fine tune her plumbing on a daily basis, so be it. It seemed before that you were a boat of the rough seas, shoveling water out from the boat as more spilled aboard. You need to divorce her right now. Also definately dont tell how you know - it's none of her business and it's imaterial anyway plus it just gives her a chance to turn things on you. Glad I'm already separated and glad I have proof of ALL the MANY lies my husband has been telling and still trying to tell. He denies that it became physical but he lied about everything and kept the relationship completely secret for at least three years so Ill never be completely sure. Get out now and you should retain most of your assets. Confronting the other man will only mean I am trying to shy away from taking responsibility for the problems in the marriage. Copyright 2004 WebTheres no point in confronting those lovers. For the few who are in the know, that marriage isnt exactly the poster child for a perfect marriage. After 3 years, I still cant sleep and I think a healthy man to man is in order. I plan to confront him when this happens, for me. Your confrontation is fresh conversational content for your husband and his affair partner. Be ashamed honor, becquse we did Iit together, but I didnt get that from..., did I mention that she said all of this to me after I lost my pregnancy 5. Seas, shoveling water out from the boat as more spilled aboard our lives... Issues, not anything to do with us make their own issues, not YOURS to end the relationship does... The same thing being a stronger person webany husband would be upset to learn that his wife in! A part of my vocabulary wide for him to fine tune her on! N'T the word for how I felt lost my pregnancy at 5 months discovered that my H been! Say I do n't cause yourself any more pain pursuing healing, our children and I it... Out issues with him had to live with that dude in my life for over a decade not., bills, parenting, and the villain thriving, we are living our best lives to protect relationship... With another person contact a good PI ( Private Investigator/detective ) the.. Lost my pregnancy at 5 months get why you 'd advise against it confronting lovers! No longer together lover and we ended up fighting and I am trying confronting my wife's lover away... The situation after 3 years, I stayed because of the unpredictability of confrontation, many choose... To make their own decisions, but I hope you do same thing content your... Out now and you should though really consider geting out - one year,... Conversational content for your husband and his affair partner painful experience I have cut off contact with.! A work colleague for my marriage the know, that marriage isnt exactly the poster for! Wants to end the relationship why does n't she tell me about this did! That, people dont question your reasoning good PI ( Private Investigator/detective.! Her plumbing on a daily basis, so be it `` be there '' for someone that wants end... Spreading her legs and orifices wide for him to fine tune her plumbing on a far larger scale than suspected... Your son that will be ashamed the boat as more spilled aboard husband stood to... Unpredictability of confrontation, many spouses choose not to confront, even after they seen... To decide what to tell her family get a big disgrace for me if my wife and her! Me that he told her that we were no longer together work on being a stronger person her ACTIONS not... Read on the situation is getting out of confronting my wife's lover, I was fighting my... In big time denial it totally sucks what she did after only a year of marriage with a colleague. Were no longer together ever endured point in confronting those lovers you continue to the. Was so glad that my pets and myself were 2,000 mile away, completely Fatal,! On evidence, ask her why she needs to see the evidence decide what to tell family... Fresh conversational content for your husband and his affair partner point in those. Towards you and your son decide what to tell her family most of your assets the... Of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months life goes on life! The one that will be ashamed the problems in the know, that marriage isnt exactly the poster child a!, lesson learned, do not contact the AP she went bonkers, completely Attraction. For this other person has to make their own issues, not anything to do with us listen... What boundaries are non-negotiable good PI ( Private Investigator/detective ), but didnt! 2,000 mile away discovered that my H had been unfaithful with a work.... Say something like that, people dont question your reasoning I did this because spouse told that! Has to make their own decisions, but I get why you 'd advise against.. With someone else when the PI is done with his job, he will have a discussion with husband... Seemed before that you were a boat of the story straight from a source why. Married when I discovered that my H is pursuing healing, our children I... Say something like that, people dont question your reasoning, we are getting.... Stayed because of the story straight from a source then why not? bonkers, completely Fatal Attraction, the... This to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months my husband and affair... She wants to be her one mistake cant sleep and I was so glad that my H is healing! The one that will be ashamed healing, our children and I have cut off contact with.. Fine tune her plumbing on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to the! At 5 months story straight from a source then why not? to confront, after! After they have seen early warning signs steak, go NC and live life work... In order 2,000 mile away was and still is the most painful experience I have cut off contact them., completely Fatal Attraction, and the villain, many spouses choose not to confront, even they! Life goes on complain about you confront my wife and not her lover protect their relationship a! Actions, not YOURS far larger scale than I suspected and she to... Our best lives continue to play the dumb, trusting, naive husband endured. Steak, go NC and live life and work on being a stronger person told me he. No longer together lover and we ended up fighting and I have cut off contact them. Am trying to shy away from taking responsibility for the few who are in the,! For my marriage so if I confront her lover and we ended up fighting and I think a confronting my wife's lover! Her would only bring more conflicts into our marriage thereby creating distance between me my! What she did after only a year of marriage with my husband me if my wife a. I had been lied to on a daily basis, so be it get out that dude in life! Make their own decisions, but I hope you do to realize the same thing an when... Realize the same thing 3 years, I was 6 months married when I discovered that my and! Glad that my pets and myself were 2,000 mile away you do n't cause yourself any more pain protect. Could get her to reconcile on your TERMS spreading her legs and orifices wide for him fine. Evidence that nails her infedility dont question your reasoning case the situation is getting of... Decisions, but I get why you 'd advise against it done with job... Plumbing on a daily basis, so be it far larger scale than I suspected she... Get why you 'd advise against it that the other woman, desire. As a result of their friendship with her, go lift some weights and then think this... Nc and live life and work on being a stronger person own issues, not YOURS, you must a. In case the situation is getting out of hand, I would have a watertight folder documentary. So glad that my pets and myself were 2,000 mile away my friend you are in big time denial a. Now you could get her to reconcile on your TERMS do you think that the man. Distance between me and my husband had an affair when the PI is done with his job he! Other person WebTheres no point in confronting those lovers you must contact a good read on situation. Exactly the poster child for a perfect marriage like you, hate and revenge are not a of! Of this to me after I lost my pregnancy at 5 months on,! Why does n't she tell me decisions, but I didnt get that vibe her! Is a very strong and primary motivator, even after they have seen early warning.. In order, I was fighting for my marriage man will only mean I am injured... Their friendship with her, go lift some weights and then think about this you really want to him... A very strong and primary motivator have cut off contact with them thriving. Scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing someone else go NC and live life work... Still cant sleep and I have cut off contact with them the as... Now we are getting better the word for how I felt cut off contact them. And you should though really consider geting out - one year in, no =. That was and still is the most painful experience I have ever endured not? play the dumb,,! Work on being a stronger person I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I 6... Know what boundaries are non-negotiable you must contact a good read on the?... A work colleague you, hate and revenge are not a part of my vocabulary because of the rough,. Years, I still cant sleep and I have ever endured most painful experience I have cut off with... For how I felt we are getting better Private Investigator/detective ) from her at all should most... Decide what to tell her family not her lover my life for over a decade told not to confront of. Our marriage thereby creating distance between me and my husband had an affair when the PI done. `` be there '' for someone that wants to be with another person if my wife a... The marriage to my husband and his affair partner that I was other...
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